Reasons

Godspell is now closed. I can't believe how fast those six weekends of shows went by! Our last few shows went very well. Evan came once again to see the show on Friday night - he's supposed to review the show, so if that ever does happen I'll post a link for all of you to read it. My mom and her boyfriend John came to see it Saturday evening, it was so nice to see them! Between the shows the cast had one of our traditional Saturday afternoon picnics, and as much as I tried to limit myself, once I met up with mom and John I didn't think I'd have room for any dinner. The nice thing about the theater, and this isn't a bad thing as long as you're on time, is that you have plenty of time before your food arrives. So we had some wine (only a little for me, I did have a show to do after all) and an appetizer, and the food came out about half an hour before my call time. This time I tried the tri-tip, as it came highly recommended, and it was great. I saw a few friends in the audience, and greeted them before I made my way back to the dressing room.

For me, there's always a bit of a different feeling at a closing show. Every line is a little more important or poignant, especially in a show like this. I think there was more energy up there than we'd ever had before, and it ended up being more emotional that I had anticipated. Between the acts Jackie and I brought our cameras on stage and hid them in a bookshelf so we could take pictures as soon as the curtain closed. We all cried and laughed and hugged, and eventually came off stage to get changed for our cast party. As soon as my pants came off, Diane burst into the dressing room announcing Jason Alexander was right outside the door. I froze for a second, trying to decide weather to put my costume back on or continue changing into my regular clothes, but I brought so many options with me that I thought the show pants would be my best bet. I grabbed my camera and went out to ask for a picture with him and thank him for coming to the show. Turns out Huck (the guy who played our Jesus) is his godson. He politely obliged to the picture, and then said "Nicci. You're non-Equity, right?"
"That's right"
"Hmm... Well, I'm the artistic director at Reprise. I'd like you to get in touch with me (insert his email address here)."
Then something about auditioning for one of the shows in the upcoming season of Reprise. They're usually not supposed to use non-union, but he though I would be great for a specific role. I said I definitely get in touch, and I got a headshot/resume for him from my car - cause you always have to be prepared for moments like these - and then just jumped around for a few minutes, changing my clothes and giggling, thinking (and saying) HOW COOL IS THAT.

Once I finally decided on what combination of things to put on my body, I set off with everyone else to Amy's house where she was hosting the cast party. Aside from the good food and company, we were all very much looking forward to a rousing game of Quelf. If you haven't heard of it, get into it. It's a hilariously fun board game that we all fell in love with last weekend while spending the afternoon at Amy's. So much that Trance and I both bought it this week.

Shortly after I arrived, I sent an email to Jason thanking him again for coming to see the show, what a surprise and honor, and that I was glad to be in touch with him (he wrote back a few hours later with some of the details. Turns out my manager knows the casting director, so chances of getting an audition are now huge!).

So the party was a success. I should mention - at one point during the run, Adam proposed to Diane because of her amazing baking, so when the pizza got there we took a break from Quelf to stage the wedding. David and I were the ring bearers, Huck gave Diane away, Loren did a poetry reading, and Neil married them. It was kind of unbelievable that we went to such lengths, but we are theatre people after all. There was a pizza reception followed by the continuation of Quelf. All in all we played for at least 5 hours. We even had to use things like a bottle of nail polish and tobasco sauce for extra game pieces. It was end to a lovely show.


I often think back to when I was so conflicted about turning down a job a few months ago. I stressed myself out so much over it, but my decision to stay here in California with Godspell did turn out to be the best one. Since that time I've secured myself a manager, and agency, gone on tons of auditions, and now this Jason Alexander thing... There are reasons that things happen the way they do. This summer so far has been a great reminder of that.

By the way, the Reprise show and role he has in mind for me is Gigi. And the audition will be in November, so I have from now until then to study up so I can ace the audition!


*PS. stay tuned for pictures!*

Knock On Wood

At the risk of something going awry again, I have to say it.... I have an agency.

As you may remember, a few weeks ago I thought I got the confirmation call on this agency, only to be unsure about it again. Neither I nor my manager was sure what was going on. But she called me on Friday with the good news.... that the two women I initially interviewed with were enthusiastic and anxious and wanted to move ahead, confident that the third agent I met with would come around. Not that he didn't particularly like me, but he was just on the fence and hadn't had time to really sit down with my reel and resume and think about the meeting. So I didn't wow him, no biggie. I charmed the other two enough to do business with the whole agency.

I wanted to write Friday after I got home from the show, but I wasn't sure there was enough to make me confident that this decision would stick. Well, not moments ago I got a call from my manager, saying she got a 'welcome' call from one of the agents. She instructed me to get in touch with the online breakdown service and have them add the agency to my profile. I also gave the agent a call so I can confidently say it is officially official. Phew!! Both the manager and agent told me that agent no. 3 just doesn't work with that many young people so that's why he was on the fence, but that doesn't mean that he won't submit me. They previously had a young client that he himself put on a series, so it's all good news.

I also have an audition for a backdoor pilot on Wednesday. No that's not something dirty - it's a "pilot episode filmed as a standalone movie so it can be broadcast if not picked up as a series", so says Variety. The character is a serious 16 year old girl, I think I can pull that off. Plus, as of today my demo reel is finally up online so hopefully that will bring in more auditions as well. I figure that at this point it's just a numbers game. I'm confident that I can book things and impress people, it's just about finding the role that fits. And now with a manager and a few agents working for me, my chances of finding that role (maybe even many of them) have skyrocketed. I've told people, "it's only taken me 6 years to get this far!" But in actuality, I'm lucky to have gotten so much within a year and a half. After school, I didn't really pursue anything until the beginning of last year. So I really have made huge strides in a short time.

We're down to one more weekend of Godspell, only 5 more shows! What a fun time I've had with this production. Each show we do is more fun than the last. I'm so so happy to have all of these people as my friends. They're all talented and driven and just wonderful people. I could brag about them all day long.

Aaaaaaaaaaand, I'm going to see In The Heights tomorrow. I'm bringing Evan. I think he'll like it.

Did I Speak Too Soon?

I hope this isn't another Rock Of Ages situation...

It started Monday morning. I wanted to get up and go to the gym, but we had our first 6 show weekend plus Sunday was Jason's closing night so we went out for a little bit after the show. Therefore, I decided to take the morning to relax before I had to go into work. Now, since I got this fancy new "network extender" for my cellphone (because Verizon has terrible service in my neighborhood) I've been forgetting to plug in my phone at night. Since it's not constantly struggling to find service all the time, it usually doesn't die. Well there's a first time for everything right? I got an email from my manager wondering where I was, because she left me 2 voicemails and didn't hear back from me all morning.

Shit.

I've only been with her, what, 2 weeks? And I'm already dropping the ball.... that was the.worst.feeling. I turned my phone on and called her immediately. The one remaining agent of the three at the agency I was to sign with wanted to meet with me. Obviously I wasn't able to because I had work, so I scrambled to clear my schedule for the next day. That wasn't looking promising, being so late notice for my co-workers, but I had time to meet with him this afternoon. I called the agency directly and set up the meeting, and breathed a sigh of relief.

I spent part of last night, most of this morning, and all of the spare minutes after my shift at work today figuring out what to wear. I got there a little early, and met the agent within minutes of arriving. He's a friend of a teacher I had in school out here, and when I told her I'd be meeting with his agency she said to say hi. I felt good passing along the message, our conversation went smoothly, but I felt like we talked so much about me. The other two agents gave me so much great info and insight into how they work, that I was hard pressed to come up with questions. But I wasn't awkward, and I don't think embarrassed myself, so hopefully everything will continue on the path that I'm expecting. Only.... when we were finishing up, he asked if I was meeting with other agencies, said it was nice to meet me, and that we'd all talk by Friday.

Wasn't I supposed to sign a contract this week and give them photos and reels? I'm not complaining, I'm just a little worried that I misunderstood the situation. Had I only decided to go to the gym Monday morning, I would have noticed my phone had died much earlier and perhaps had a better (and sooner) meeting. Oh well. Positive thoughts. We'll all know soon.

So.

We had some of our best shows this weekend. Tons of energy plus enthusiastic audiences made for lots of fun. Between shows on Sunday we had a pick-up rehearsal for Neil who will be having his opening show with us this weekend. We did the sections and dances he's involved in and sped through the rest. There was a lot of joking around, but I don't think there is a doubt in anyone's mind that he'll have no problem settling into the show. He's been to see a few performances each weekend, constantly practicing and asking questions. Not to mention he's so talented in the first place. His first time doing a full run, not marked, was supposed to be tomorrow... but we received an email earlier today explaining that since only 36 tickets were sold for the performance, they canceled the show and moved the ticket holders to a different day. I can't imagine how disappointing that must be, but I'm sure we'll bring extra energy on Friday since we have one more day of rest.

I asked Evan how I should end this post, and here's what he suggested:

And in conclusion, the end.

IT'S OFFICIAL

I just got a call from my manager - I have an agent!!! YESSSSS! I can't wait to really kick this into gear.

She also told me that she got great feedback from the casting director from Mean Girls 2. They though I was really good, they just got an older vibe from me. I'm not all that surprised. For at least the past 5 or so years, people are surprised that I'm not older than I am - not because of how I look, but because of the way I present myself. The CW, HBO, stuff like that I could definitely still play high school, but I can see how a movie like MG2 would want the real deal, especially with the type of characters in it.

Ahhh! I'm still so excited! I was only able to let out a little squeal because I'm at work, but man oh man is this cool. We're going to make lots of money and it's going to be fun. That's what she said, and I believe it. A part of me wonders if in a few years Liv Tyler or Christina Ricci or Natalie Portman will remember that I was the receptionist at their waxing studio. But that's a long way off, and yes that was some unnecessary name dropping. Sorry. Hilary Duff just got here, and it wade me wonder... Ok, enough of that.

With this news, and Jason leaving the cast and Neil joining it, I think that's cause for celebration this weekend. I'll start off by having dinner with Evan and our friends, Ken and KT, before the show tonight!

In other fun news, one of my castmates is creating a musical with a few other friends of mine, and they asked if I would sing some tracks for them. We're going to use a break in between some of our weekend shows to record it. Also, David (Godspell director) asked if I might be interested in singing with a band. Which, duh, that would be awesome. I've always wanted to, so I'd love to give it a shot.

Wow, so many amazing things happening right now. What a lucky girl I am!

Another Stepping Stone... Hopefully

Hello! I've been meaning to write another entry for a few days now, but the free time I've had has been spent watching the food network. It's grill week, how could I not??

We closed another successful set of shows this weekend. Doing six shows a weekend, it's easy to see how it's transforming. The more we do it, the more little nuances we find that really work, so they stick. For the most part it's getting more fluid, and we don't have to worry about those damned transitions anymore because we all know what's coming next. I don't think I mentioned this before, but one of the guys will be leaving after this coming weekend. That part was double cast from the beginning because both of the men had conflicts, so one of them is getting the first three weeks of the show, and the other is getting the last three weeks.

It makes the run feel very short knowing that this weekend is the end of the first half, and we'll be able to physically see it happen. Both guys are really fantastic though. The second has been coming to see the shows a couple times a weekend and is a really talented performer, so no one has any doubt that he'll step in like it's nothing. A few of us were talking about it the other day, agreeing that each of them will bring something very different but also very good to the show. I think it might be a nice refresher for all of us too, it will keep the show from becoming muscle memory. That can happen when you do something over and over and over, and if you're not careful you forget why you're doing what you're doing on stage, and just do it. A switch in the cast should prove to be a reminder of just that.

The auditions went well last week. I'll just say it - the audition was for Mean Girls II. It was actually on the Paramount lot instead of a separate casting office, so that was only slightly intimidating but pretty exciting also. The room I was directed to was actually the one where they were filming and not the waiting room and it rattled me a little to have the casting director be (understandably) perturbed when I walked in in the middle of someone's audition. The sides were interesting to work with too... there were 16 pages, and I said only a line or two from each page. It was a little distracting to keep flipping the page after every line. The important part, though, is that I got in that door (figuratively). I also got in the door for an audition for Scream 4. Yeah, they're making a "4". That one I felt went really well. The office was cute, the casting director was laid back and nice, and I was in and out quickly. I don't believe I got either of these, but the fact that I'm getting my face in front of these people is a great thing.

I had a meeting with some agents yesterday. My manager came with me, which I think was great. She's so sweet and she works with these women often so they have a great, friendly rapport. We were there for about 45 minutes, my longest meeting yet. We talked a little about me and my background, but we also talked about the Celtics, friends in the industry, one of the women's nieces.... I found something I've heard over and over to be true: the best thing to do is not talk about yourself. If you look up what to do during a meeting with an agent/manager, every article will tell you this. Treat it like a first date. One of the worst things you can do on a first date is talk on and on about yourself. Yes part of the meeting is about them deciding if your skills will allow them to get you work, but it's also about feeling comfortable with each other and getting a feel for who you'll potentially be working with. I can see how this could work with first meetings in general, but I think it's especially important in the entertainment industry where you are, essentially, selling yourself. Wait, that sounds bad... but in a way it's true.

So that meeting was at 3, and around 6 o'clock I got a call from my manager letting me know that she had just gotten off the phone with the ladies I met with and they loved me. One even wanted to pitch me for something right away, which obviously my manager was ok with. There's one other agent in their company that I didn't get to meet with, but he's taking a look at me reel and if he's cool with it, then I'm in. So hopefully I can update in a few hours letting you all know I have a theatrical agent. Cross your fingers!

Opening Weekend

We have survived! More than survived I'd say. Compared to tech week, our opening weekend was brilliant.

There were a few technical slip-ups throughout the weekend, but over all the audience responded well. Except for yesterday's matinee - but a party of 57 had cancelled, so the brunch crowd gave us what they could. We have video elements involved, and there was one show (I can't tell you which, they're all mixing together in my mind now) that it completely turned off right in the middle, so we had to get up and act it out ourselves. There's a lot of "playing within the play" anyway so I don't think anyone could tell. We're pros, and unless someone gets seriously hurt I think we can get over anything that could possibly throw us. Today we had two fantastic shows, just pure fun the whole time. I even got a little misty during the finales.

One perk of working with this theater is that we have free access to a beautiful fitness club, The Claremont Club. It has pools, a cardio area, weight area, tennis, basketball, steam rooms, salon, cafe... the list goes on. Me and some of my fellow cast mates took advantage of this today between shows, and we went in the spa to relax. Lemme tell you, it really worked. My muscles still feel nice and loose! I'm planning on getting a massage or two there at some point, and I think the whole cast is going to have a picknick there next Saturday.

I got home about 40 minutes ago, and I had to run straight upstairs because the finale of Lost is on and there's at least 30 people at my house. I'll be camping out here for at least another 15 minutes... I've come to terms that I'll hear some things about the episode when I do come downstairs, but I'll be ok. I just really didn't want to see only the end and then have to get caught up on the whole thing by a bunch of Lost nerds. I'll just have some wild boar and hear what I hear. What, wild boar you ask? Yes, in the spirit of Lost my boyfriend got some wild boar meat and cooked it up. I can't wait to try it.

I am glad that I have a few minutes to blog, I've been meaning to do it all weekend. The audition for the British show is tomorrow so I can go over those lines for a while and figure out what I can wear to suggest I'm a freshman in high school. Hah. Hey, those kids on 90210 are like, 26 right? Anything is possible in the magic world of the entertainment industry.

Plusses And Minuses, But Mainly Plusses

Today was the day I called the agent I met with. I had to leave the house to call her, so I decided to make use of being out and go to the gym. I've gotten back in the habit of keeping planner with me, and it is very helpful. I've got all of my rehearsals/performances written down in it, work hours, meetings, and details of any auditions. Anyway, I left her a message and got a call back while at the gym. Unfortunately they're not going to be able to represent me because of the people they already have in their client base, but it's no big deal. It only makes sense to be represented by a person or company that thinks they can get you work without putting you in competition with their existing clients.

I used the opportunity of being in Hollywood to make some copies of my passport to send in to my manager (I like the sound of that!) with my paperwork. It is now official, I've signed a 2 year contract, and unless absolutely nothing happens within 30 days, I've now arrived at the next step of the journey. She called me right before I got to work, letting me know the people from the project in England want me to come in for an audition on Monday. The role is supposed to be a freshman in high school so that's stretching it a little, but it's worth a try even if I have to tape down my chest and go in wearing pastels with no make up. The script looks like something I'd be comfortable with, so I'm pretty excited.

As for Godspell, we ran if from beginning to end for the first time yesterday, with few and minor interruptions. The set is almost complete, as well as the costumes, and the transitions are getting smoother and smoother. As a whole it's taken the cast a little longer to bond that I'm normally used to, but I can really feel it happening now and that will only add to what great stuff we're already doing on stage. Opening night tomorrow!!!!

REPRESENT

I spent almost all day on Sunday shopping for what I was going to wear to my meetings Monday and Tuesday. I probably could have put something together with what I already have in my closet, but I think the main point was to get my mind off over thinking what I would do and say and what I wold be asked, and just focus on one thing I could control: how I looked. I got an amazing navy and white dress that I decided to wear to the agent meeting. The best part about it? It's a size 3. Now, I'm not kidding myself into thinking this is the rule - I know I'm not normally a size 3, and probably haven't been since about middle school. But it was a nice boost of confidence, to have that at the back of my mind while I was waiting to see the agent.

Up at 7:30 again for an 11:30 meeting, and that gave me plenty of time go get ready and on the road. I had a few butterflies but nothing that a nice deep breath didn't dissipate. The office was nice, on the 8th floor of a building along the miracle mile. The meeting was relatively short and sweet. She brought me in, we chatted about my resume and experience, and brought in the other two commercial agents she worked with to meet me. One of them had even heard of my hometown! The thing about Gilroy is that you either know it's the garlic capital of the world, or you've never heard of it before. So I like to tell people where I grew up because they're always very proud of themselves for knowing that fact, or interested that there is actually a garlic capital anywhere. I was back in my car and feeling good in 15 minutes. the have a meeting today, so I'm going to give her a call in the morning to check back in.

Then yesterday I had a meeting with a manager yesterday morning at noon. Though I had plenty of time to get ready the day before, I still set my alarm for 8:00. I woke up around 7 all by myself and as much as I tried to get a little more rest, I couldn't get back to sleep. For this meeting I decided to go a little more casual, and felt more comfortable. A manager isn't just about booking jobs, but about building a career and a brand, so I wanted to present myself more like how I am every day. Just a little more professional. From the moment I met this manager I felt good about it. She's got a great energy, loves what she does, and seems like she really gets the job done. She was very straightforward about her own career and how she wants to expand, and it seemed to me like I could probably fit in. This meeting was a little over 20 minutes, but it was less about questions and more about talking a discussing what we were both looking for.

I got a call from her this morning just as I got to Evan's house (good thing I was out of my house, I get terrible service there) and she said that though I'm older than she thought but we're going to try it out, try to get me an agent and book me some things. If things start progressing, or I get callbacks, then we'll proceed. Sounds fair enough to me! She said she already pitched me for Mean Girls II which I'm really excited about. I was taught in school to have some things in mind that I could be in, and Mean Girls was one of the things on my list. So even if I just get an audition for that, it would be so cool. She also wants to submit me for a series that shoots in Liverpool. So just in case, if you know know anyone I can stay with for a week or two that lives around the area, gimme a holler. I wish I still stayed in touch with those kids from manchester....

We are doing our first ever full runthrough of Godspell tonight! It's a little frightening, but I think we're going to do just fine. Once we smooth out the transitions we'll have a pretty darn good show on our hands! All of these early mornings started to catch up with me yesterday. I was tired even as I was driving to rehearsal, and it was hard to keep my eyes open during notes at the end, but I got home safe and sound and slept as long as I could this morning.

Ahhhh. I'm making good on my promise to myself to get things done. I like this.

Where Is That Email?

Alright, finally a real post again. So where to begin?

I have a meeting set for 11:30 on Monday morning with the agent. Then there's also this manager thing. Now, this one also came about because of the student film I did last year - only this time it wasn't me who cast the line out, they actually found me! I got an email from the director, and it was a forwarded message from a woman (manager) saying the head of her company saw the film and recommended she get in touch with me. Sweeeet. So we've planned on meeting sometime on Tuesday. I called up my director from RENT to ask if he had any advice, and he told me that one of the most important things is to know exactly what I want. My only problem right now is that I think I want everything. Not in terms of fame and fortune, though that would be cool, but I want to do everything possible. I'd love to work in film, television, commercials, voiceovers, stage, I want to sing/dance/act/perform everywhere and everything. I think the first step is to focus on what I want to get out of working with an agent, and overall out of my career. I've got two and a half days to figure that out.

In other news... I'd been looking forward to the Rock of Ages national tour audition since it was first posted. I love all (well, most) kinds of musical theatre, but now that I know I can sing rock well, it's what I gravitate to. I arrived at the audition location around 9:30 in the morning and was almost #90 in line. My friend Tim, who was in the second RENT with me, got there just before I did so it was nice to be able to hang out with him while we waited. They started seeing people a little after 10, but so many of us showed up to audition that there just wasn't going to be enough time to see everyone. Tim and I were going to be the next people brought in to sing, when the casting director came out and told everyone she had to start typing. That's when they take a look at you (or your headshot) and decide whether you have the right look or not. Luckily my headshot stood out to her, so an hour later I walked in the room to sing. As soon as I opened my mouth I heard echo everywhere. It startled me a little, but I don't think it threw me off. I got through about 5 seconds of "Lights" by Journey when she stopped me. She asked how my dance is, and I said it's ok. She then told me she wanted to call me back for Saturday, and to look for an email with the info.

Great! Fantastic! I'm so excited! Though I haven't gotten the email yet. If I don't get it, I plan on just showing up at 10 and hoping they're doing the callbacks at the same place the audition was. I'm probably stressing out more than I should... still, my brain just won't stop. I think I would be so great for this show, and if I don't get it because of someone misspelling or overlooking my email address, I'll be very upset.

I've also got Godspell opening on the 21st, which means this coming week will be tech week. It's a little intimidating. The show, the way it's structured, is so strange to me. It's a big challenge and I like that, but it's still tough not to have a real story line through the whole play. What's nice is I'll probably be wearing my own clothes. It's been a while since I've worked with a costumer that's really impressed me, so if I look like a fool now it's my own fault! Hah. It's very exciting, we're going to put up a great show.

Hm. Breathe.

Hello Again

By now I'm positive no one reads this anymore. I haven't posted anything since, what, December? Over 4 months. During that time my dear friend Lauren has put her blog back up, and taken it down, and put it back up again. I really love what she has to say, even if it's just a silly story about her grandmother or her friends I've never met. She's a great writer, and whatever the content it's always captivating. I'm more judgmental than I let on too, so it's nice to know I have truly talented people in my life.

I'm admittedly not the best writer. I don't even like writing very much at all. Have I said that before? Probably. I've probably also mentioned that in high school I avoided writing papers whenever possible, and even sometimes when not writing one wasn't an option. But - have kept journals since the third grade. It's always felt good just to write about things happening in my life. I used to imagine my nieces or grandchildren reading about all the things that happened to me. I also used to imagine being really old, and I would only remember things because of these journals. In the past few years the journal entries have dwindled. The last time I wrote an entry was probably sometime last year. The thing is, things are still happening in my life, I'd say more so now than when then majority of the entries were written. So since I'm at work, and it's a relatively slow day, I'll try for a recap of the past few months...


RENT - I was once again cast as Mimi and we had a successful and wonderful run of RENT in Rancho Cucamonga. The theater was beautiful, with 500 something seats, and a real backstage this time! It was a great experience doing the show with a cast nearly entirely new to me (save for Ben, Casey, and Dylan). Last time I was very familiar with the show, but going into this production knowing the script like the back of my hand, I got a lot deeper with character development and making my personal show more fluid. I couldn't have been more proud of what we all put up on that stage, and for two weekends this cast made some serious magic.

There is going to be a production of RENT at the Hollywood Bowl late this summer, and of course many of my castmates went out to audition for that. I unfortunately wasn't able to stay and be seen on the day of the singing call, but once my boss heard that she offered to take half my shift the next day so I could dance. I've never considered myself a fantastic dancer, but I really impressed myself and didn't screw up once. I didn't get called back, but I wasn't really expecting to be. I was a little bummed, but as soon as I found out they're casting the likes of Vanessa Hudgens and possibly Justin Timberlake, I was a little less hard on myself. None of us had a chance, and although it may not be fair, it's ok.

*A little tangent - I'm usually very good about going to an audition, doing my thing, and then just leaving and forgetting about it. That really is the best way to deal with being in this business. No one ever lets you know if you don't get something, so if you hang onto every audition, you're in for a world of depression. But since finishing RENT, it's been hard to live up to my philosophy of letting go. My brain wants to analyze everything I did for a few days after the fact, and when no call or email comes to interrupt those pesky thoughts, it's easy to get frustrated with yourself.*

I also auditioned for The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee in the OC. I've been having trouble relaying the correct tempo of my songs to pianists, and so when I started singing my song it was almost in cut time, which did not at all lend itself to a good audition on my behalf. I suppose I could have stopped, clarified, and started over but.... ok fine, it was Jason Robert Brown and apparently his music isn't easy to play. But I could have sworn this song was! I mean, even I could probably play it and I'm hardly a pianist. Anyway, for whatever reason, I continued to sing my uptempo as a ballad and did not get called back. If only I had a better audition, I think I would be perfect for this show. So I couldn't get that off my mind for a few days. (I later found out that the girl who got the part I was aiming for is married to someone involved with the production. Great.)

Our music director David from RENT held auditions for a production of Godspell which he's directing/music directing, and again many members of my RENT cast showed up. I sang Janis Joplin and was called back for the next day. Due to getting out of work late, I showed up to the callback an hour late, missing the dance portion, with just enough time to sing a little before we moved on to monologues. I don't know why, but I felt really terrible about it. I told my friends and roommates as soon as I got home that I sucked and was sure I didn't get cast. A little melodramatic, I know. Much to my surprise, I got a voicemail when I left my house the next morning (because I rarely receive calls at my house, due to the awful service in Echo Park), it was David calling late the night before, saying he was excited to work on another show with me.

That was a big sigh of relief for me... I remember going out to a late lunch with Ben and Loren (Angel and Collins from the Rancho RENT) right after the Putnam audition and telling then how very much I needed to be in another show. It's so hard to close a show and not having something lined up. Luckily I do have my day job at the waxing studio, which I love very very much, but of course that doesn't engage me like being on stage. I never knew how much I like being busy until I got back into acting.

The touring company of Mamma Mia held auditions last weekend. I sang the National Anthem at the Rose Bowl for Walk MS, and headed over to the studio. I got there around 10:30, and I believe I was seen at close to 5:30. Luckily I knew a few of the people there so I didn't just have to read or play sudoku the whole time. But there was also another guy there, and it was pretty apparent he didn't belong. That sounds harsh, but you have to understand.... everyone else at the audition, as with every other audition I've been to out here, has studied in some way, and put forth a lot of effort to be the best we can at what we're trying to do. Then along comes someone like this guy who probably didn't even realize the stage production came before the movie. He didn't know what a hardcopy was (headshot), and when I asked if he was a fan of ABBA he didn't know what I was talking about. With as many people as there were there, it makes me a little angry that people like this will show up and take a time slot from someone more qualified and deserving.

Well now we're all caught up to the present. Two days ago I got a call from a casting director that I know who has cast me before and and asked me to come in and audition for various things. There's a project I submitted myself a long time ago that he's casting for, and although I wasn't sure that I was really right for the role I studied up and went in for it anyway. The thing about this show is that it's in Colorado, and the commitment would be all summer long. I realized there were conflicts with Godspell, but I figured that in the slim chance that I was actually cast, I'd figure it out from there.

I went in yesterday for the audition. I got the offer today.

I guess I shouldn't have auditioned if I knew there would be many conflicts with the show I'm currently in. My justification for that is this: I've been so used to not getting cast or called back for things I've auditioned for in the past few weeks, I figured I'd go in to at least get my face in front of another director, see a lovely casting director friend, have some fun and then walk away. It was a nice change to leave feeling ok, rather than immediately thinking I did awful and pouting for a day and a half.

So here's what is on my brain right now: Turn down or drop out? Money? Prior commitment? Summerlong "job security"? Loyalty? Responsibility? Opportunity? And to top it all off, my day job that I do love so much. I don't want to screw anyone over there probably most of all. I'm very lucky that it's so flexible and I really do enjoy what I do there.

I've talked to my mom, my co-workers, my boss, and briefly to Evan, but in the end it's down to me. I don't want to be the girl who always drops out of things for something better (like I did for RENT the first time around), and I don't want Raul, the casting director, to get the impression that I come in for auditions on a lark and can't follow through (like I did earlier this year when he called me back for a role and I decided it wasn't for me).

My co-worker Jill said that if this is the worst of my problems, it really ain't so bad. True, yes. I wish I could do both, but unfortunately it won't work out that way. It's the old "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.

Well I guess that's you get for being so very talented. *Sigh* Oh the life of Nicci Claspell....